Sentimental Hustlers Get their Mourn on: AKA Chicks dig poker

(quotes not necessarily in order)
"Dude I haven't seen you mourn our soldiers all day"
"Well there was that one time"
"Yeah, but he'd just lot twenty pot. soldiers...twenty dollar pot...soldiers"
Slick Willy: "Chicks dig it when you're playing poker in a bar. It's because you're not there for them, and that's hot. Let's go to the bar and pick up chicks by mourning our fallen soldiers. 'Why are so sad' I'm mourning our fallen soldiers.... And I just lost a pot."
"Something almost priceless as it were.... Cash...."
"I don't know what I want to do. I'm restless. I don't even know if I want to go hit on chicks. Maybe I'm gay."
"Let's find out!"
"Heads up freezeout for gay-ness!"
"Where's Spike when you need him??? All-in!"
"Wait, was that gay-ness or gay-dom?"
"I like gay-dom better than gay-ness."

And there were cards. And grilled burgers with avacadoes. And No-Limit short-handed action. And Four Hands bitching about how if someone would have played correctly he would have won. And Slick getting confused by his own play. And Four Hands thinking you only needed four cards for a straight. And The Master getting drawn out on way too many times to count. Three Hour and Four Hands took the money.

I hate you all,
-4h

Friday Night Lights Out

4h: "I need to write up Friday's games"
Slick: "What? The one I was so drunk I don't remember who I played heads up? Was it Spike? I remember a QJ spiking a KQ..."
4h: "I remember turning down a hundred dollar heads up freeze out...."

And that about sums it up.
Well that and:
Cream Sherry: "Do you play Jack King Off?"
Slick: "Depends on my position and whether or not I'm raised."

Cream Sherry has been re-dubbed King Jack Off. His KJo cracked the Master
s Rockets late in the second tourney. He s.howed KJo at least 7 times.
Slick won the first tourney. Spike took second. Cream, I mean KJo, took third. Four Hands took down the second tourney vs. Scares Willy heads up.

bah.

Discrete Lucky and High Stakes Lesbians

(from the Irrational Monkey)

I was just musing about luck, and whether I had it, specifically as evidenced by single high stakes poker hand.

Getting dealt AA is very unlikely, about a .5% chance on a given hand I believe. I got AA as my first hand when I sat down!! That was very lucky!

Now the guy next to me had KK. That was lucky for him. But for him to have KK and me to have AA was very very improbable and so very very unlucky for him!

Once we were all-in the chance that KK defeats AA is about 10%. So the flop was pretty unlucky for me.

But the scale of my pre-flop luckiness dwarfs my flop unluckiness (ie I was extremely lucky at one juncture, and then fairly unlucky at the next). And conversely, my opponents bad luck was much greater in scale than his subsequent good luck. On the other hand, when you get lucky/unlucky in that order in Poker like I did, it has the side effect of causing you to loose all your money, even if you were more lucky than unlucky.

Then the question comes up, do you have to view the set of events in terms of wholistic luck and ultimate outcome of all involved events? In that case I would be unlucky, because the turn of sequence was unlucky for someone trying to preserve his stack over a full hand.

It seems clear that dealing the hand, and flipping the communal cards must be viewed as separate discrete statsitical events. Indeed, that's how we view odds when we play. On the other hand, it is all predetermined once the cards are shuffled, so maybe it is possible for a wider view of luck that includes related outcomes. However, the game choices are not determine by the cards. I think it stands that the concept of luck can only tractably relate to the pure discrete card probababilities.

THEREFORE, overall when it came to the cards, I had really good net-positive luck! Going broke was a mere contingent irony.

************
As you know from playing poker with me, I embrace such things as randomness and irrationality with a monkey-like fervor. It is nice to know that randomness loves me back. She's a fickle lover, to be sure. But then, so am I.

I don't know why luck has to be a lady. That made the last paragraph have undertones of lesbian action. Maybe even lesbian monkeys. Oh why whyyy whyyyy? Delete image!!

Speaking of stuff like that, but different in several imoprtant ways, let's assume that a group of lesbian _humans_ play intense highly-skilled poker and then it devloves into a make-out fest. And yah they are super hot. How much would you all pay for that porno flick? You are basicically a focus group for all the men on party poker, so I think it is safe to say I can add that to my list of million dollar ideas.

This train of thought has officially veered off the tracks and crashed.

Jojo sits down beyond the velvet ropes

(from the Irrational Monkey)

I recently did Vegas for the first time ever, and I wanted to tell you all my poker stories! Since I have a tendency to ramble, I've delineated the part of the story that is actually about my Poker beat, with asteriks '****', so that you can skip to that if you want.... I really only meant to write a couple paragraphs (wooopsies!!)...

Saturday night I arrived and heard that the Wynn was having a cocktail party to celebrate the opening of its Poker room. It was invite only but I found the room and marched in, even pausing dangersouly at the sign-in table to pick up a gift bag which had a cool wynn poker hat.

Daniel Negreanu was the host because he is affiliated with Wynn poker. There were other notable guests, such as Mike Sexton I believe, but I had to rely on other people at the party to point them out. There were a few speeches and Negreanu was the keynote. He did funny impressions of a bunch of pro poker players. When I met him later on at the party, he was talking to me in the likeness of another pro poker player, though since I'm kind of oblivious to poker celebrity I didn't know who he was imitating. But basically I had this whole conversation with Negrenau, only he was channeling some other player.
A player who kind of stutters and hits on "bee-bee-beeautiful ladies" a lot…

So that was weird.

*****
Now to the actual Poker playing. I had been playing low stakes Poker here and there for the past couple days, and had been mostly winning and feeling a bit sentimental about it. But a few hours before we were heading out of Vegas, I decided to go for a little last minute excitement. The highest no limit game at the Wynn was 10/20 no limit, with minimum buy-in $800. There was a single table at these stakes. The woman at the sign-up desk told me that it was normal to buy in for $1000. That was all the cash I had on me: perfect! I was about to leave Vegas anyway, so mind as well clear out my purse ;).

I was escorted beyond the velvet rope and sat down at the table. I bought $1000 worth of chips, but it turned out that most other people at the table had thousands and thousands of dollars out, half the table appeared to be playing with at least 10K. The first few hands I watched, I quickly realized that even though the blinds are 10/20, nobody ever raises by anything less than 100, and the play was very aggressive. So basically the blinds are perceived as trivial , and due to the stack sizes the table is effectively agreed in playing higher stakes Poker.

At the lower stakes tables, you had your usual mix of people who knew how to play, people who sort of did, people who didn't (the babies who you can steal candy from, and then feel bad about it), and people with wannabe Poker attitudes, dawning sunglasses, hats, mean faces…but laughably. At this table there was still somewhat of a mix, but there were definitely a few real characters. Greasy rich professional-looking gamblers talking smack, like tossing out a bet and saying out of the side of his moth "Here's sumthin' for ya kid."
One of the guys at the table was delivered a message by the staff—someone had invited him to play 500/1000 stud heads up. He responded in a really cocky manner with a thick east coast accent.
Those guys, I immediately judged, had really big attitudes, and really really big stacks, but really really really small penises.

Despite the fact that I had deemed their confidence to be compensation for their insecure manhood, I was aware that I was still afraid of them at the poker table. I knew that if I bet on a hand, they could and would easily put me all in. So I decided that for a little while I'd only play hands out of position that I could see myself calling all-in on.

The big blind comes around to me and I get delt my first hand!

There is a 100 raise, and a 300 reraise. I'm last to act. I look at my hand: Pocket Rockets!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my god! What luck! First hand, BEST possible hand, bets on the table, and best possible position!

So now I start strategizing. I could call the 400 and play with two guys. In terms of odds and payoff that's probably the nobrainer way to play my AA's. I'm assuming that it is almost inevitable that I will end up all-in after the flop, since someone will bet, and since I'm shortstacked it will take all my chips to play, and since there are very few flops that would scare me off. But I'm thinking that I want to play conservatively and minimize my risk, because I care about getting solid playtime with a solid stack now , more than than I do about making the most statistical long-run profit. So I decide to raise. I'm expecting that this will either isolate the second player, or cause both players to fold. I know that buying the pot at this point would not be best use of aces, but it would be safe, so I'm okay with that happening even though I'd feel a little cowardly. I make the only raise that I really can:

ALL IN!!!!!!!!!

As expected, the first guy quickly folds. It turns out the guy to my right quickly calls. He shows his hand KK. I show my AA and he mutters with with angry irony "Of course you sit down and get aces!"

I'm thinking, this is just perfect!! Haha.

The dealer lays down the flop. Two garbage cards and a King. My oppenent shouts "Yeeesss!!!" and bats his fist in the air. The turn and the river are no help. I lose the hand to his set.

Having no more cash, I get up and leave the table, laughing in amusement and amazement. The table seems to be equally bewildered by my brief visit, as I say farewell giggling.

Did that really just happen???!

So basically, I put in all my cash at the highest stakes poker table, was delt AA on the first hand, went all in heads up against KK, and lost! Hahaha. In my opinion I basically paid $1000 for the ridiculous experience/story, and it was worth it. Even though I was a loser, I felt like I was the winner of a little cosmic joke or something.

*****

I walked away in a daze still doubting the reality of the turn of events. I step off into a corner to find cellular reception, and I catch this guy, about 45 years old maybe, engaged in a rather violent
body contortion apparently in an effort to extract from his rear-end the hugest wedgy ever known to man. When he sees that I've caught him he looks a little startled and embarrassed and I try to make him more
comfortable: "Hi, how are you doing?" I say with a smile. "Fine, how are you?" he says, suddenly assuming a suave demeanor. He's got his first few shirt buttons undone to reveal his chest hair. "Well, good but I just lost a lot of money on a a bet," I say with a laughing sigh. He replies, "What is a lot of money to you? Because it's
probably not a lot of money to me. Just yesterday I lost $30,000 on a single hand of blackjack. And for me that wasn't even that much." He looks very self-satisfied and puffs out his chest, as if in one fell conversational swoop he believes he has not only just compensated for being caught with his hand up his butt, but also for his small penis. What's with all these small-dick men in Vegas , and do I even mean that metaphorically?

Ah, Vegas!

Past the Comedy Stop Sign

Four Hands, Cream Sherry, The Master, and Spike all met up for margaritas and mexican food before the evenings play began. The initial marg did not sit well with 4H who is currently suffering from broken face syndrome. Literally a fractured cheekbone. Someday he'll learn to stick to poker instead of "real" sports. Of course he's never had gun threatened to be drawn on him in a basketball game...
Anyhow, the action was fast and furious. Four Hands brought two bottles of bubbly in honor of an online tourney win and their was much rejoicing. Spike lost his first buy-in right-quick and took a trip to the ATM. When he sat back down the following hand developped in a game of Anaconda Hi-Lo. It was checked around to the Professional who promtly raised it up to 2 with a deuce showing. and it was called in five spots. On second street it got interesting. The Professional, no showing 23, raised it up again and Spike (on his left) quickly re-raised showing QT. Note: Spike is fairly drunk after two marg's and some champagne. Four Hands agonized and finally folded his 9 full of eights. The Master, to his left, showing A5, agonized and then called. At which point the short-stacked Let's Gamble re-raised again! The Professional then FOLDED (he had 3's full of 2's! And Spike capped it! The Master called and Let's Gamble tossed in his final chips. Spike bet out and the Master called the two remaining streets. When the dust settled Spike raked in a 55+ dollar pot with quad queens vs. the Master's aces full vs. Let's Gamble's king's full! Possibly the largest single pot in the history of the home game at almost 30 BB's.
Their was much hilarity and Four Hands had to toss in fifty four times. Unfortunately the broken face syndrome and mild illness have wiped out FH's memory of the events beyond the fact that they were "funny."
Spike was the first out of the tournament. 4H and Let's Gamble were short stacked early. 4H when he called Craig's all-in with AT and the A of hearts vs. Craig's kings on a board of QJ85 with three hearts. But both 4H and LG were patient and managed to hang on. Hans was shorted when he called 4H's all in (A9) with JTs and the A's held up. Three Hour couldn't buy a break and lost numerous hands as a big favorite. Cream Sherry played patiently and gradually built up a stack. The Master started moving in frequently, but his hands held up. He eventually knocked 4H out in fourth when 4H raised on the button and he came over the top from the SB and 4H was pot-committed with Q4s to The Master's AJ. The Master then knocked out Cream Sherry when he moved in from the SB with Rockets and Cream called with A6s. Heads up The Master and Slick battled until Slick moved in with 55 and the Master called with K4s and the fives held.

Until next week.

Slow day at the office

It was a slow day for the Hustlers last night. Rooster, the Master, and Four Hands started the game going and it was only a few hands before Four Hands had lost half his stack with Ace up and Trip tens (twice!) playing three-handed five draw. Eventually Slick wandered out of rehersal and sat down and Let's Gamble showed up, too.
Four Hands chugged pineapple juice all night in a strangely sober outing. Mexican beer was the drink of choice for the others. Like last week Four Hands seemed obligated to give all his money to Slick, the worst hand coming when he hit two pair on fourth street while Slick caught trip twos, the other two was showing and Four Hands was certain he remembered the fourth being folded as well. It wasn't until Three Hour arrived late in the evening that Four Hands was able to climb out of his hole and recover to only being down half a buy-in (from down two and a half). The key hand was an omaha highly, with a small bet and called around on the flop. Four Hands held 3456 and the flop came A47 (2 clubs) giving him the max wrap. A dollar bet was called by Three Hour and then raised another by Lets Gamble. Four Hands tossed in another two, and from there is was a big bet every street until the 5 came on the river counterfeiting Let's Gamble's 35 and giving Four Hands the straight and the low. Three Hour then proceeded to give away the rest of his buy-in in record time. Primarily to Lets Gamble.
"Man lets gamble has really taken all the money in the last orbit" -- Four Hands
(mumbling) "More like two" -- Let's Gamble
The Master was unwell and decided to head home early so the tournament was played five handed. Slick built up a nice stack in a four way pot when he caught a third seven and Three Hour and Let's Gamble folded to his all-in. Then Let's Gamble raised and Four Hands called. Slick Willy started grumbling "Why do I think you have a monster?" and staring down Four Hands who'd been giving off tells like William himself. Finally Slick declared "I'll put you all in." and Let's Gamble quickly folded and Four Hands quickly called, indeed, with _the_ monster: Rockets. Which held up against Slick's AQ.
It was only a few hands later that that once again Let's Gamble raised. Four Hands raised 4x more, enough to put Let's Gamble in and Slick quickly called to his left. Let's Gamble called and they took the flop three handed. It came down Q high and Slick declared "Where's my AQ now?" and checked Four Hands raised him all in and Slick quickly called with his, indeed, AQ. Four Hands turned over the KQs and Lets Gamble showed his KQo! The case Q on the flopp doomed them and Slick now had a monster stack, Let's Gamble was out, and Four Hands was crippled.
The shortish stacked Three Hour soon limped from utg and they took the flop three handed. It came down 774 and Four Hand's was annoyed he'd folded the T4. Three Hour bet out at the flop and Slick called. The turn was another seven and 3hr moved in and Slick "I call with my QUADS!" and turned over the 76o leaving 3 hour with no outs (he claimed he was on a draw anyhow).
A few hands later (still in the first round) Rooser limped and four hands moved in from the button and Slick called. Four Hands had the 87 to Slick's A6. A seven on the flop looked good, but running sixes knocked out 4H and it was heads up with 4 hands left in the first round! Slick had a massive (5-1) chip lead but Rooster was not dead yet. Slick refused to let him limp and built up his lead with frequent pre-flop raises. But the Rooster doubled through when he held QJ to Slick's 97 with a J and a 7 on the flop. Then the Rooser gained the lead when he held K4 and the flop came KTx and Slick paired the ten and called him down. The final hand came down when the Rooster raised pre with KQ and slick called with 67c. The flop cam AT9 (two clubs) and the Rooster bet out. Slick called. A J on the Turn meant the Rooster wasn't going anywhere and Slick was pot-committed with his flush draw which failed to materialize and the tourney was over.
The Rooster is 2 for two, both times taking out Slick in second place.

A "good" beat

From Slick Willy:

In an attempt to reverse the karma from all the bad beat stories on this
post, I feel the need to share this story: the worst beat I've ever given
someome, or perhaps ever seen. why not?

And just so you know, when you wonder who are these censored on PP who get
those cards that make you wonder if there's a PP conspiracy, or if God just
simply hates you? Yeah, I'm now that guy. And no, we don't hate you. We just
can't help it. It's just our nature, just as the scorpion MUST sting the
frog, so must "we" lay these horrible beats upon you. So please attend,
ladies and gentlemen... my confession.

11 people left in a Pot Limit Omaha/8 mtt. Big jump in money from 11 to 10.
I'm in good chip position, maybe third. I get to see a cheap flop with my
A3Tx, and the flop comes down 25T, all diamonds, of which I have none. The
dude on my right bets the min, and we're so close to the money jump that I
feel like I have a great chance to semibluff and pick up his bet and the
pot. So I raise him all in; even if he calls I've got SO many outs, right?
So, not only does have already have the NUT FLUSH, but he has the A3 as
well! Aw yeah, my instincts are impeccable!

Now, it's at this point that I have a change in my nature, that I am
transformed from the guy who can barely restrain himself from throwing his
computer out the window to the guy who lays such heavy bondage upon this
man. (Is it any coincidence that it's Passover? I think not.)

So, back to the hand, the turn and the river are BOTH tens, and I quaded
that poor man right out the door. And I do feel bad. I do. This may have
been hard to decipher that between my shrieks of "yes, yes" and "whoo,
whoo"... but I do and did feel... bad. Sir! If you are out there, hear me
and hear me well... IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. A stronger man might have called up
tech support and INSISTED that they run the hand twice, or somehow tried to
make them see it in their hearts to let you back in that tourney because YOU
desevered to win that hand. Yes, a stronger man might have.