Naming Clarification

Slick Willy reminded me of the actual reason for his nickname. It happened long ago in the early days of the Hustlers. During a weekly tourney Cream Sherry (then known as Old Man Bennet) exclaimed to Josh "You're giving away so much that I'm going to call you William Tell!" William became Willy and the Slick happened, well, just because. Thats all.

Three Silent Robotic Monkeys

Well, they weren't actually all that silent. Or robot. But by the end of the night they were vaguely simian. It was a short-handed night with Three Hour, Lets Gamble, Spike all away and Cream Sherry under the weather. Four Hands, Slick, The Master, and The Professional started the game, although to the delight of the others Slick delayed things for a quick trip to the supply shop for some Tilt Juice and Parrot Bay. Or is that Stella and Tilt Juice? Hmmm...
The newcomer Rooster soon joined, and the lovely Karen followed suit. Six handed the usual games ensued, with Slick going on a crazy drunken tear and destroying the ring games. Four Hands ended up on the strength of a single hand of seven stud hi-lo when he had the Ace flush and a237 low draw on sixth street vs The Professionals two pair and Slick's 5678 draw. Slick reraised Four Hands to "isolate" and both The Professional and Four Hands ended up all in much to The Professionals chagrin. Slick's isolation play served as the subject of much debate for the rest of the evening. The cards ran against The Professional and Karen all night.
Tourney play begame early at around 9:30. On the first hand The Master raised utg, but ended up folding on the flop of TT3 to Slick's raise. On the second hand 4H raised UTG and Rooster re-raised only to have 4H move in. The Rooster called and turned over KJs to 4H's pocket Ladies. Unfortunately for 4H the flop came down KJ8 and the river game Rooster Kings full. Two hands and Four Hands was done.
The next hand Rooster made it four to go from under the gun and the maste moved in from the small blind. Rooster called this time tabling the KQ of spades to the Master's pocket ladies! The suited queens were good to the Rooster who rivered the spade flush and sent the master out on hand 3. Karen then tried to bluff a big pot with K2 to Jeff's K8 on a flop of Q82 only to check call him down on the river. The Professional managed to slowplay himself until he was beat when he held T9 on the small blind to Karen's 89s on the BB. The flop came TT6 rainbow and he led out a small amount. Karen called and the turn brought 4 making two hearts. The Proffesional checked (planning to check raise the agressive Karen) only to have her check behind him. The river brought the seemingly innocuous 7c and a raise, re-raise, all-in later and the Professional was down to a few meagre dollars.
It looked like he might recover when he was all in with Q4 vs Karen with QJ and had her reverse dominated on a flop of T4K. The turn K didn't help her, but the river Q meant her jack out kicked him!
"We're just fucking around. Time for some headgames." said Karen as she raise, re-raised, and folded to Slick's betting. But then she took down a big one moving all in with AQ on a flop of T72 with Slick folding his 75. Discussion ensued. It was determined that "It's better to be a subtle dick than an outright one." To which Slick responded "Deal'em up Sally!"
Karen quickly exited in third when she moved in for her last 750 with the blinds at 100-200 with KQ only find Rooster holding AQ. She had an open ender on the turn, but no A or 9 on the river and she was out.
Rooster and Slick traded hands back and forth, but in the end Slick could overcome Roosters massive chip lead and went down when his pocket eights got called by TJs and a J came on the turn.
10:30. Rooster and the Proffessional took off. The Master decides to leave due to an early doctor's appointment for his wife. For some reason Four Hands decided to start drinking. Karen and slick demanded further play so Four Hands and Slick and her all threw in ten dollars and began a no-limit cash game with a single 25 cent blind. Four Hands lost it all to Slick on the first hand when Slick flopped a flush to his top pair and flush draw. Unfortunately for 4H his draw wasn't as good as Slick's made flush and he was dead on the turn. But ten dollars more and he had a new stack! And a new Stella. An hour later Karen beau Tom arrived and threw down ten himself. 4H called a all-in turn bet from Karen with 43 on a board of K35K and she tables her A7 and re-buys. Slick re-bluffes 4H on a board of AQT86. 4H claims to have had 54. Slick claims to have had 7x. No one knows. Slick jumps up and says "I am a scorpion! RARR! It is my nature!" And so Four Hands relates the tale of the frog and the scorpion to Tom and Karen.
At some point Four Hands looks up to find what coan only be described as a goblet of gold schlager in front of him. The time is approximately 1:15. Slick exclaims "I love getting sentimental with the bitches!" It is determined that the correct scientational term for Slick is biz-natch. Slick tells Four Hands "You're not Willis tonight, boy, they way you're playing, you're Wilson!" Slick then mutters "I'm sorry I kicked you Wilson" repeated under his breath for the rest of the evening. Four Hands wins two big pots from Slick, one on a stone-cold bluff, and after Slick declared "That's 2 hands I've been beaten by Wilson" 4H jumps up and shouts "I have become Willis!"
Karen feels really bad when she calls all-in with QJo on a board of A94 vs 4h's A3 and the turn is an 8 and the river a T. It is declared that she has become sentimental. And she takes the money. She feels bad, but takes the money. Soon thereafter Willis feels bad when he puts her all in on the turn with 78(8c) on a board of 3567 (3c) and she has 53 for two pair but he rivers a 7. "I'm feeling poor Mrs. Lederman. Can Josh come out and play?" quipps Willis.
The four players run out of beer. Karen passes out on the couch. Tom check-raises Slick all in with two pair and Slick calls with A5 and an A on board. Tom calls a 30 dollar all in with AK on a flop of 379 vs Willis's J7s, the sevens hold. The final three hands are declared. Slick moves in on a board of KJ4 with QJ only to find Tom holding K6s. Karen and Tom leave.
Four Hands passes out on Slick's couch at 3am.
It was a good night.

The Hustlers in Vegas, or, A Vacation to Recover From

Note: Numbers are only approximate. Much is blurry. Math is hard. The perspective is entirely that of Four Hands and we all know how warped and simian that is.

Day 1: Or rather night one. The hustlers arrive. Four Hands, the Master, Lets Gamble, and Spike stepped off their plane to meet Means Nothing. A brief cab ride later we were standing in the Luxor. Check-in proceeded smoothly. Energy levels were highly variable. Clothing was assessed and it was decided that we would attempt to dance at Studio 54 as well as checking out the new MGM poker room. Lets Gamble failed the shoe test and it was decided we would get a drink at the lounge next to the poker room and evaluate. It was after midnight by the time any hustler partook of liquid courage. The wait for drinks was alleviated somewhat by the eighties metal mega-mix and cosmetically augmented bartenders dancing on the bar. The Spike and the Master decided to return to the Luxor to rest up for the following day’s hustling. Let’s Gamble lived up to his name and quickly grabbed a 2-4 table while Four Hands and Means Nothing hit the dance floor. After an hour of booty-shaking and ogling, Four Hands and Means Nothing wandered back to the poker room (a whole 30 yards from the dance floor of 54) and quickly grabbed their own tables, with Four Hands taking a spot right next to lets gamble while Means Nothing took a shot at the low-limit no-limit. Four Hands quickly went up 140 only to have Let’s gamble grab most of it back on the final hand of the evening. At 4:30am the three hustlers left the tables to return to the Luxor. Means Nothing ended up down sixty. Four Hands up 55. Let’s Gamble made his shoe money goal of 95. Hustler net: +90.

Day 2: People got breakfast in various places and then convened at the Luxor for the noon tourney. Four Hands was out early when his kings got cracked by fives. Spike and the Master got blinded out. Let’s Gamble failed to wake in time to register. Means Nothing goes on a tear and wins the Luxor tourney for 650 profit. The heads up play is “laughably bad” according to a random passer-by. But Means Nothing triumphs and takes home the gold, the two key hands being her top two pair pulling a boat on the river vs a made flush and catching a 5 with her T5 vs the guys KT heads up. The Master drops a small amount, Four Hands drops 120 at the 2-4 table, and Spike drops a small amount. Hustler Net: +500 or so (includes tourney buy-ins)

Then the drinking began. We decided we needed frozen beverages. Thankfully we were a short walk from Coyote Ugly. Banana Mango with an extra shot of rum was yummy. Drinks in hand we wandered to Caesar’s palace to obtain shoes for Lets Gamble. 36oz mugs of additional frozen beverages were obtained. Means Nothing is hammered after one drinking and wins the speed drunk award. Fishes are observed in the tank at Caesars. Sharks and mantas are determined to be bad-ass. The Hustlers proceed to the Aladdin to re-fill their 36oz frozen delites and check out the poker room. The poker room sucks, but a random circ de’soleil performer spinning a metal cube around himself rocks. Drinks are re-filled. Spike dozes an extra shot to make up for drink from a smaller 20oz cup. We determine it is time for a drunken poker battle and head back to the MGM. Let’s Gamble escorts Means Nothing back to the room so she can pass out. Poker ensues. Four Hands fails to realize others have stopped drinking to focus on poker and begins downing vodka redbulls while playing 4-8. Spike takes a chance at the 2-5 $500 no-limit. Time passed. 4 to six hours later it is determined that food is needed. I say 4-6 because I have no idea when we started playing. But we ended around 11pm. Spike up around 500 at the no limit, Four Hands up 180 dollars and indeterminate number of vodka-redbulls (>4 but <10) style=""> Others down. Hustler Net: +550 or so.

After poker dancing was discussed. Fat Burgers we obtained and it. Midnight was arrived at. Back at the rooms at the Luxor Four Hands did a dance on a bed and threatened people with pillows. Spike strapped him to the cot, but he escaped. He also fell down a lot and was awarded the drunken award. Others may be able to elaborate on his antics as this authors memory of that evening, is, well, fuzzy.

Day 3: Four Hands and Means Nothing wander six miles up and down the strip trying to find a good place for breakfast. The Luxor Tourney is sold out by 10:30 so no one can play in it. After discussion and lunch the hustlers decided to head to the Orleans to play poker before playing in the 7:00, $100 tourney there. The Orleans has a bowling alley. The Master kicks everyone else’s arse. Gin and Tonics and vodka tonics are determined to be $2.50, and two dozen are consumed while balls are tossed. Finally t]he Hustler sit down to play poker before the tourney. The 1-2 blinds at the 4-8 game confound Spike, the Master, and Four Hands while Lets Gamble sits patiently in the 4-8 omaha. Means Nothing sucks some old guys out of some money at the 2-4 game. Four Hands drops $180 after moving to the 4-8 omaha, while Lets Gamble wins 60. Three Hour arrives with companions in tow. Everyone buys in to the tourney. Everyone busts out of the tourney. Four Hands drops first (of course) and heads back to the Luxor with Let’s Gamble. Hustler Net: -800 or so (includes tourney buy-ins)

All Hustlers except Four Hands have dinner. Four Hands naps, preparing for dancing. At eleven PM the Hustlers head to Mandalay for the House of Blues eighties flashback Fridays. Vodka and Redbull flow in abundance. Means Nothing vows to make out with one of Three Hour’s companions. After some prompting by Means Nothing Four Hands decides to do flying toe-touches on the dance floor and pulls his calf, but gets an ovation from the crowd. At four a.m. dancing ceases. Four Hands passes out. (Note: the rest is hear-say) Three Hour, his companions, and Means Nothing decide to continue partying. Unspeakable things are done to a grapefruit. A significant portion of a hallway on the ninth floor of the luxor gets covered in shaving cream. Pink shaving cream if the following morning remnants representative. Three Hour and Means Nothing decide to play poker. Means Nothing proceeds to play poker until 11am in her pajamas and wins 120. Three Hour drops an indeterminate amount over the same time span. Hustler Net: +40 or so.

Day 4. Four Hands heads to the MGM for some No-Limit action at noon. Ends up +400 after five hours of play in large part to convincing a group of frat boys to continually drink bud light and do shots of jagermeister with him on the theory that he has more drunken poker experience. Spike has lunch and abandons the Hustlers for the southwest. Lets Gamble’s companion arrives. Cigars are smoked and the fountains at the Bellagio observed. The Master and Four Hands coordinate everyone’s outfit. A pimp hat is obtained and pictures of Means Nothing taken. Lines are too long at clubs everywhere. The Hustlers end up at Ra utilizing their Luxor line passes and proceed to dance. It is determined that the vodka redbulls at Ra are 3.5 times stronger than those at the House of Blues. Dancing are Ra proceeds until 1:30 at which point it becomes too hip-hop for the Hustler’s tastes and they return to Mandalay and the House of Blues for some disco and funk. Lets Gamble convinces the doorman to give the hustlers a $100 break on the admission. A band plays. A band with three front men all sporting two foot afros. Four Hands hits on what is later determined to be a field hockey team. Four Hands and Three Hour agree to go back to the MGM for late night poker. Instead they both go back to their rooms and pass out. Hijinks end. Hustler net: +400.

Day 5: A final meal is obtained and included massive quantities of chicken fried steak and biscuits and gravy. And a salad. But in the salad’s defense it was determined to be larger than any one person’s stomach. Four Hands and Three Hour head to the MGM for more poker. The rest hang out by the pool and drink and observe hotties. Three books a small win in his two hours of play before leaving Vegas for LA. Four Hands is down $650 at the no limit tables when Let’s Gamble and companion say goodbye and head to LA themselves. Finally, after 7 hours of play Four Hands crawls back to mere $150 loss while Means Nothing drops 80 at 2-4. Hustler net: -180 or so.

What did we learn? A lot. The Orleans sucks, except for their bowling alley. The MGM poker room rocks. Four Hands plays well drunk. Spike is best at No-Limit. Three Hour has a strange fetish for grapefruit. The cleaning ladies at the Luxor missed 6 spots of shaving cream on the walls. Means Nothing is a big winner. Table selection is everything. Poker _is_ gambling. Drinks are overpriced at the House of Blues. Pimp hats and sunglasses are easily obtained. America is blessed by God. Don’t check raise all in with two pair vs a set and the nut straight on the flop. And some other stuff.

Intro. Cast of Characters

The Union Square Sentimental Hustlers are a group of poker players who've been meeting at least once a week in Union Square, Somerville, for the past two years. The core group has been playing poker together for eight years. Sometimes we feel bad about taking the money, but we take the money anyway. "We're sorry we have to hustle you." is the U.S.S.H. creed. The weekly game is low stakes, but more serious than most games I've played in for 100 times the stakes. We play a lot of games. Mostly straight up poker like stud, hold'em, omaha, but occassionaly a "crazy home game" like Follow the Whore 69 split. There's drinking, cussing, throwing of chairs, and generally a good time.

The Hustlers are ranked every week by through an arcane formula based on the end of the night's tournaments. At the end of a season the top ranked hustler gets bought in to a live tourney and shares the profits with the league. I write up every tournament. And more. Such as a recent Hustler trip to Vegas. Expect updates to this space at least every thursday. Maybe more.

For now, let me introduce the cast of characters:

The Big Eight:
Four Hands -- a.ka. Mat, a.k.a. 4H, a.k.a. Willis. The author of this blog. Primary instigator of the Hustlers. Plays as Thath or Thathmew on various poker sites, primarily tournaments. Oldest of the old school players. Has been called the Gus Hansen of the group. Loose and agressive, particularly when drinking. Knows the math, but gets too much amusement from drawing out on others to pay it the attention he should. Has been playing poker for ten years. Nickname comes from a propensity to get knocked out on the fourth hand of tourneys. Won the first season, tied for first in the third. Strongest game: Seven Stud Hi-Lo /Omaha Hi-Lo Weakest: Lowball Favorite: Anaconda Hi-Lo

Slick Willy -- a.k.a. Josh, a.k.a. Slick. The host of the weekly game and the other primary instigator. On of the originals. Plays as ldblly on various poker sites. Moderate and agressive. Likes to make plays. Drinks heavily, effect of liquor ranges from hyper agression to hyper tilt. Nickname just seemed appropriate. Gets distracted by the red sox. More likely to go on tilt than many. Plays more hours per week than an other Hustler except _possibly_ Four Hands. Won the second season. Strongest game: Limit Hold'em Weakest: Seven Stella

Spike -- a.k.a. Brett. The second most agressive player (depending on alcohol level). Streaky. Rides a loose reputation to glory frequently. Moderate and agressive. Dangerous. Drinks far less than Slick or 4H, and the drink rarely helps. The Hustler most likely to be down big halfway through the evening only to comeback and clock a big win by the end. Nickname comes from a propensity to spike needed cards on the tunrn and river. Has an affinity for jacks. Tied for first in the third season and the only Hustler to profit from his buy-in. Strongest game: No-Limit Hold'em/Anaconda Hi-Lo Weakest: Limit Hold'em

The Master -- a.k.a. Tony. Tight and aggressive, but capable of big bluffs. Knows the math better than anyone except perhaps Four Hands, but cares less than anyone as well. Has an instinctive knowledge of tournament play. Not as serious about poker as many, he's new school and plays for fun. Known as The Master for placing 3rd in the first two live multi-table tourneys he played at Foxwoods for a big profit. Always at the top of the rankings, but has not won a season yet. Willing to consume a forty, drinking has a moderately positive effect on play. Has a particularly affinity for 73o, and gets drawn out on frequently, the inverse of Spike. Strongest game: Omaha Hi-Lo/Seven Stud Hi Weakest: none

Three Hour -- a.k.a. Kerry, a.k.a. Six Dollar, a.k.a. 3H. Tight but passive. A master of the slow play -- he's unnoticeable in a hand until he lays down the big check-raise on the river leaving you crying as you call. Plays less than most, and is usually the last to arrive. Recently engaged. New school. Brings drink frequently, no noticeable effect of alcohol on his play. Known as Three hour because he _only_ played three hours once when the rest of the Hustlers played nine. Won the abbreviated fourth season. Strongest game: Omaha Hi-Lo Weakest: none

Lets Gamble -- a.ka. Victor, a.k.a Boatman. Loose and passive. The newest of the consistent players he's only been in the game for a year. You never know when he'll call down your big river bluff with third pair. Tough to read and loves to check-raise. Getting better consistently. Drinks moderately to good effect. Strongest game: Five Draw Weakest: Seven Stud

Cream Sherry -- a.k.a. Nathaniel, a.k.a. Old Man, a.k.a. Hollywood. Tight and passive. Streaky. Played rarely back in the old school days, but is a consistent player now. Has a particularly affinity for J8s. Likes to hollywood, thus the nickname. Drinks moderately, excessive drinking has a negative impact. Once brought a flask of Cream Sherry to the game and has yet to live it down. Frequently calls Omaha Hi Double Flop. Strongest game: Pineapple Weakest: Seven Stud Hi-Lo

The Professional -- a.k.a. Tom. Tight and agressive. By the book and good at it. An old school player who just recently moved back to town. Known as the Professional for his recent brief attempt to support himself playing online. Drinks inconsistently, but to good effect. Seems to always run into Four Hands big hands at the wrong time. Strongest game: Hold'em (Limit or No-Limit) Weakest: Five Draw

Others of note:
Means Nothing -- a.k.a. Wendy. loose and passive. An old school player who loves the game. A call or a raise literally means nothing. Could be curiousity, could be a monster. Hates to get bluffed. Lightweight, any drink just makes things crazy. Former paramour of Four Hands. Lives in NYC so doesn't get to the Union Square game much. Recent won a daily tourney at the Luxor.

Monkeypants -- a.k.a. Ryan. Moderate and moderate. An old school player, it was once said of him "Ryan would play poker all night against two silent robots." Great at reading people, but out of practice, and impatient. Likes to trap. Deadly when in the flow. Currently a resident of San Diego, so doesn't make the Union Square game much.

The Irrational Monkey -- a.k.a. Jordanna. tight and agressive. A new school player. A math whiz who hates math. Gets bored easily. Former paramour of Four Hands. Has won or placed second in all tourneys she's played in the last two season, but hasn't played enough to qualify for rankings in either season. Like everything, drinking has an un-quantifiable effect. Currently a resident of Boulder, so doesn't make the Union Square game much.

Scares Willy -- a.k.a. Aimee, a.k.a. Outdrawn. Moderate and agressive. A new school player. Former paramour (recent) of Spike. A serious gamer who hates to lose. Recent breakup has interfered with play time. Drinking makes her dangerous.

Baby Daddy -- a.ka. David. Moderate and agressive. A new school player. Has come back from a single chip in a tourney. Recent birth and move to the 'burbs mean he doesn't play much.

Big Fun -- a.k.a. Elissa, a.ka. Fabulous. Tight and passive. New school, but has been absent from the games. A recent move to a closer location may bring her back. Former paramour of Four Hands.

Craig. Moderate and agressive. New school, working hard on his game. A pool hustler and former magician. Doesn't drink. Consistent, solid player who needs a nickname. Introduced 69 split.

Jen. Loose and passive. New school, working on her game, but doesn't play consistently. Engaged to Three Hour.

Leah. Moderate. New school. Solid gamer, plays weekend games, but rarely in the main game. Wife of The Master.

Rooster -- a.k.a. Jeff. New school. Remains to be seen if he'll become a consistent hustler. Primarily a hold'em player. Nickname comes from Slick and is of unknown origin.